Posted in Just My Days

Shit Happens

Feel devastated… Basically, I feel like everything isn’t going like the way I imagined it to be.

You destroy my life. I have a role in starting it. But, I can’t ignore the truth that you ruin the end of it, so that now I can’t go back to what I had before, either move on to what is so called future.

I lost my confidence, my credibility, and my sanity, for having the fast euphoria you offered me. Now, I am absolutely sure that my life has no meaning. I have no more ambition. I have no more motivation to build the rest of my life. It’s just vanished. Thanks to you.

I have a job, I do, but I find it meaningless now, while I acknowledge that I might not get higher or better here.

I have a social life, but I have no sincere friend. Or at least one person that understand me very well and take me as what I am.

I am not ugly, but also, I am not the type of pretty girl that any man seeks.

I am smart – as some people say I am – but it’s even harder to get me into any relationship. Most man are looking for a woman that is less smart than they are.

I am old – at least in Indonesia – which is harder for me to get someone that wants me. My surrounding is full with younger guys. The older guys are already married, or not around.

For now, I have no reason to live. I think I had enough in life. The happiness, the sadness, the sorrow, the achievement. Now I’m stuck. I want to get out, but I can’t.

It’s all pretty much shitty these days. Let’s just hope that things will get better. If not, I’d prefer to have no life at all, no matter what it takes to get me there.

Sorry… Loving life is not as easy as before.






I am a greedy person. I always want to get more, to be more, to gain more. Sometimes I feel like I can't get through my own mind. I couldn't even understand myself. That's why I create ExtraordinarNee. To see through me, and to be seen... :)

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