I got evaluated earlier this month, by my manager far away in Ho Chi Minh City.
Facing the evaluation was both exciting and terrifying. Exciting for my nature in seeking for compliments and opinions. Terrifying for my self-defense mechanism which wasn’t allow me to get hurt over people’s judgments.
And the result? Exciting and terrifying. I got a challenge to take, to improve myself even better in the future. Negotiable, but somehow mandatory.
I kept thinking about it days and nights. It kept eating out my brain, I even could hear the sound of chewing inside my head. I’m scared. I’m threatened.
Anyway I have to do it. Like it or not. I’m trying, but I’m afraid that I’m not giving the best.
I feel like holding onto nothing. I’m floating around in a feeling I don’t understand. I’m walking on a tiny rope without anything to grab on.
Thankfully, the stubborn-me does stay. It gives me enough power to keep on walking. It saves enough dignity to stand tall and hold my head up-high. Until the “judgment day” comes once again. Another video call to face… Another assessment to listen to…