Rebellion

There are times when I don’t want to live too long. I made my own fight, as if I wanted the world to hate me and let me by.

Sometimes the world looks too good of a place to live on. It almost feels like heaven – sugarcoats in every single thing. When it happens, the real world appears as a dream – something that is just too sweet to be true.

Then I get terrified. I don’t want to stay in the dream. I want to wake up. Hence I start destroying the good things before my eyes. I ruin it all and make things bad again. Make things real.

Some other times, the world looks too cruel of a place to live on. It almost feels like hell – pain and sorrow are everywhere.

Then I get terrified. I deny the pain to my best. I pretend everything’s okay. Hence I make myself a heartless woman. I ignore the bad things. I build my fortress where no stories are told, no questions are asked. I smile because I have to, not because I want to. I become a doll outside and a black hole inside. I absorb all bitterness and keep it along, hidden behind the mask of human I put out.