Posted in The Stories


There are times when I don’t want to live too long. I made my own fight, as if I wanted the world to hate me and let me by.

Sometimes the world looks too good of a place to live on. It almost feels like heaven – sugarcoats in every single thing. When it happens, the real world appears as a dream – something that is just too sweet to be true.

Then I get terrified. I don’t want to stay in the dream. I want to wake up. Hence I start destroying the good things before my eyes. I ruin it all and make things bad again. Make things real.

Some other times, the world looks too cruel of a place to live on. It almost feels like hell – pain and sorrow are everywhere.

Then I get terrified. I deny the pain to my best. I pretend everything’s okay. Hence I make myself a heartless woman. I ignore the bad things. I build my fortress where no stories are told, no questions are asked. I smile because I have to, not because I want to. I become a doll outside and a black hole inside. I absorb all bitterness and keep it along, hidden behind the mask of human I put out.

Posted in The Stories


How fucked up is it? You broke up but the same routine was still there. You ended the relationship but the ship appears to sail still.

How devastating is it? The broke up comes with promise which is not coming into action. The same question hangs in the air like how it did… Hanging in feels-like-forever silence. No answers.

How frustating is it? You feel fine but the whole scene is not. You are sane but you are ready to snap anytime.

Do I have the right to be tired of all this? Do I have the right to let myself explode when the time comes?

Posted in The Stories

Jatuh Hati dan Jatuh Lagi

Jatuh hati dengan seseorang bukanlah perkara sulit, setidaknya bagi saya.

Pria yang berani mengungkapkan perasaannya, perilakunya konsisten dengan pengakuannya, dan persisten dalam menunjukkan kesukaan pada saya akan mudah mencuri perhatian dan hati saya.

Melepaskan seseorang bukanlah perkara yang mudah.

Sesiap apapun saya, setegar apapun saya, seapatis apapun saya, saya butuh waktu untuk (lagi-lagi) menjadi sendiri.
Saya akan lari.

Membenamkan diri dalam rutinitas harian. Kerja lembur akan jadi hal yang lumrah dan tidak lagi melelahkan.

Mencari aktivitas baru sebagai pengalih perhatian.

Membuat berpuluh-puluh sesi temu kangen dengan sahabat dan teman.

Bahkan, bisa jadi, dalam keterpurukan yang sangat, saya akan mulai menyakiti diri sendiri, secara mental dan emosional. Hanya saat bebannya terasa terlalu besar untuk dapat saya tanggung.

Bagaimanapun juga… Saat saya memang harus melepaskan, saat itu hal yang terbaik bagi saya dan dia, saya akan menerima akhir yang tidak bahagia itu sebagai awal dari kebahagiaan berikutnya – tak peduli seberapa lamanya saya harus menunggu.

Posted in The Stories

Bali Summer V: DONE!

Hello gorgeous…

I’d like to sum up my past Bali Summer Vacation 2017 for you, and give you some tips for travelling to Bali. Scroll and roll!




  • Route: Yogyakarta – Denpasar – Yogyakarta
  • Duration: 4 days and 3 nights (Starting time: 2-3 pm in daily basis)
  • Transportation means: AirAsia planes, motorbike (scooter)
  • Travelling partner: Brother
  • Luggage: 1 travelling bag (for 2 people), 1 backpack, 1 tote bag

Inside the Bags + Worn

  • 2 hot pants
  • 4 tops
  • 4 dresses
  • 8 undies
  • 8 pantyliners
  • 1 flip flops
  • 1 sneakers
  • Sunglasses
  • Eyeglasses
  • Toiletries: Soap, shampoo, face wash, toothbrush, toothpaste, shower puff, perfume, towel
  • Make up kit: Face cream, foundation, foundation brush, compact powder, eyebrow definer, eye shadow, eye shadow brush, eyeliner, blush on, blush on brush, lip liner, pencil sharpener, body lotion, facial cotton
  • Hair-do kit: Hair brush, hair straightener, hair pin, hair ties
  • 6 packs of cigarettes
  • Travel pack tissue
  • Gifts for Indra + Yuda’s friend
  • Electronic stuffs: Phones, tab, chargers, power bank, internet banking token, card reader
  • Cards: ATM cards, ID card, Driving License

My Expenses: IDR 3,204,490

  • Flight: IDR 968,500
  • Transportation (gasoline, highway fare, parking): IDR 119,000
  • Meals: IDR 317,000
  • Coffee: IDR 179,500
  • Cigarette: IDR 91,250
  • Leisure (Entrance ticket, booze, shopping): IDR 570,240
  • Gifts/souvenirs: IDR 959,000




  • Beware of delay! Except yours is a direct flight.
  • Start your day at 9-10 am, to have more time to explore Bali.
  • Cheap flight options: AirAsia and LionAir. Make sure you buy your tickets in advance (several months before).
  • Rent a motorbike/scooter to enjoy your trip at its best. Get lost in the city! Anyway, you have Google Maps to navigate you anywhere.
  • Travel with friends or relatives – at least you have someone to take pictures of you – and to drive around. 🙂
  • Other than the big luggage, bring smaller bag for city-touring.

Inside the Bags + Worn

For all:

  • Undies
  • Toiletries
  • Phone, chargers, power bank
  • Cards: ATM cards, ID card, Driving License
  • Sunglasses
  • Body lotion
  • Sun cream
  • Swimming suit

For summer lovers who don’t mind getting tanned:

  • Hot pants
  • Sleeveless tops, preferably in bright colors
  • Flip flops

For white-skin keeper:

  • Long pants
  • Sneakers
  • Tops, preferably in bright colors
  • Jacket (or cardigan – not to be overheated)

Expected Expenses (Budget Trip): IDR 4,670,000

  • Flight (1 round trip): IDR 1,200,000
  • Accommodation (3 nights): IDR 750,000
  • Motorbike rent (3 days): IDR 150,000
  • Meals (2 times a day, 4 days): IDR 350,000
  • Coffee (2 times a day, 4 days): IDR 140,000
  • Cigarette (4 days): IDR 80,000
  • Leisure: IDR 1,000,000
  • Gifts: IDR 1,000,000


I hope this post is helpful for you. In case you haven’t read the day-by-day stories, click below:

Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4

Feel free to leave your comments or questions! Thank you for dropping by… 🙂

Posted in The Stories


I am bad at asking questions…

I suck at serious talks…

The real life conversation is certainly not as easy as the scenario you’ve prepared neatly in your head. The supposed-to-be-long-answer-questions turned out to be yes-no-questions. And I couldn’t even say whether the answers were true or not. Yeah… That’s how it was with me…

Now, I’m lost… Not sure what to do, not sure what to say, not sure what to believe… 


Posted in The Stories

Weekend Getaway: When Your BF is Out of Town

Weekend, here I come!

Approximately once a month, my boyfriend is going back home – to Klaten. Which means that… I have the whole weekend for and by myself!

Usually, I spend these me-time moments for meditating (some people call it sleeping) the whole day and pretending to be vegetables (well, who doesn’t?). But this weekend, I made it to HEAVEN!

I started from getting a lunch at 12pm (or breakfast, since it was the first meal of the day) in Sawah Resto. One of my friend had her graduation this morning, and I was invuted to the celebration lunch! Yeay!

After that… Went to Ambarrukmo Plasa! What for? Uhm… Looking around for stuff… You know, stuff you might never realized that you need (or will need) it someday.

Windows shopping here and there… Adoring cute dresses, shoes, and bags here and there… Until I fell in love with some of them and decided to be the owner! MUAHAHAHA!!!

Yes, I absolutely fell into the shopper hole and bought myself a few clothes – to be precise, 3 clothes – at Bluza. It’s normal, right? Right?? RIGHT???

And I went around to check on the food court. But, guess what? There’s no longer a smoking area! The food court is now against the human rights of the smoker! Well done, Ambarrukmo Plasa… WELL DONE!

So… Move to the ground floor I did. To find peace in Starbucks. By peace, I mean a perfect marriage of coffee and cigarette. But again, guess what? Starbucks was temporarily closed due to renovation! What the helium!!!

I couldn’t stop my me-time just yet, for sure! So I continued my journey to Galeria Mall, where I can check on some stalls and the one thing: Starbucks!

Here I am now, enjoying my Dark Mocca Frapuchino at Starbucks, QGround Floor, Smoking Area. Despite of the accident (the barista put whipped cream on my coffee while I already asked for non-whipped frappu!), I feel more complete now! Yippie!!!

Now I’m ready to go home (please, make me stay!) to prepare for the evening singing performance.

What to do for the upcoming me-time getaway? Another mall-touring! And maybe, watch a movie with my friends (anyway, today I’m going alone).

So long, gals!


Posted in The Stories


Hello gorgeous,

Selama 5 hari saya berkesempatan untuk bertemu dengan keluarga saya di Malang, Jember, dan Banyuwangi. Dan 2 hari di antaranya, saya menghabiskan waktu bersama keponakan saya, Florentius El Deeloy Calendra, di Malang – rumah kakek saya.

Tahun ini memang kakak saya tidak bisa mudik karena baru saja melahirkan anak keduanya, Alexandria Tierry Callia. Lexa baru berumur 3 bulan, masih usia rawan untuk dibawa perjalanan jauh dari Karawang ke  Jawa Timur. Itulah kenapa kakak saya memutuskan untuk ‘mengirimkan’ El sebagai perwakilan keluarga kecilnya.


Sejak pertama bertemu, El langsung nempel kemana-mana. Saya sedikit kewalahan karena saya memang jarang melibatkan diri dengan anak kecil. Sejauh ini saya hanya ‘berurusan’ dengan anak teman baik saya (Maureen, anak Ninuk). Well, saya juga belum berkeluarga.


El membuat saya sibuk dengan mengajak saya bermain, mengikuti saya ke Indomaret, menyeret saya ke KFC untuk beli mainan, meminta digendong di sepanjang jalan, dan menggeret saya saat kami berjalan kaki bergandengan.

Saat saya makan siang pun, El memilih untuk duduk di pangkuan saya. Saat saya berbaring, El mencoba berjalan di atas perut saya. Saat saya duduk lesehan dan bersandar ke tembok, El mencoba mencari celah antara punggung saya dan tembok, untuk kemudian menemukan pantat saya dan menggigitnya!

Saat itulah… saya memikirkan tentang memiliki anak, darah daging saya sendiri. Terlepas dari keengganan saya untuk segera menikah, saya membayangkan betapa meriahnya hidup saya dengan kehadiran seorang anak.

Saya akan sangat lelah menemani anak saya berlarian kesana kemari. Namun saya yakin bahwa saya akan sangat merindukan kehadirannya saat kami berjauhan.

Saya akan merasa frustasi dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan polos yang belum tentu bisa saya jawab. Namun saya yakin bahwa saya akan merasa bangga dengan buah dari keingintahuannya di masa mendatang.

Saya akan merasa kehilangan me-time yang berharga. Namun saya yakin bahwa saya akan merasa kehilangan masa-masa kebersamaan itu saat dia mulai sibuk dengan kehidupannya di masa remaja dan dewasa.

Saya akan merindukan tidur panjang yang hilang saat saya harus menghalau tangisnya di malam buta. Namun saya yakin bahwa saya akan lebih merindukan berada bersamanya walaupun saya harus kehilangan waktu tidur saya.

Dan sekarang saya tinggal menunggu waktu untuk menggendong bayi saya sendiri. Bayi saya dan suami saya kelak.


PS: Dalam beberapa postingan ke depan, mungkin kalian akan lebih sering melihat saya menulis dengan “saya”, bukan “gw” atau “aku”. Semoga isinya tetap menarik untuk dibaca. 🙂